....One time, I decided to visit a friend in the nearby town. I waited for a bus along the highway. So when I saw one coming, I hailed it and sat on the only vacant seat which was along the aisle. The music, a rock one, was really great that I started thumping my foot on the floor to the beat of it. Just then, on my side across the aisle, a voice impatiently said: “Will you please stop that noise?”….
William stopped writing and scratched the itch on his back with his pen. He was irritated with the itch as much as he had been annoyed with the reprimand on him in the bus. He had wanted to blurt out sarcastically. Yet, when he turned aside, he found himself suddenly mute.
….My God! I thought I saw an angel. She’s heavenly beautiful. I was dumbfounded that I could only gape at her. It’s hard to describe what I felt because my heart was overwhelmed with thousands of different emotions…. Then I noticed she was not happy. Her eyes were very lonely, as if she was burdened with something. Those eyes were hollow and deep-seated. Then her eyebrow went up and she frowned. Off-guard, I simply said, “I’m sorry”. She rolled her eyes and looked away from me. Ouch! She ignored me….
Many times, he looked her way but she, aloof and unresponsive, was looking outside the bus. Many times, he made noise, but unexpectedly, she was oblivious to him. Many times, he wanted to reach out to her but he was tongue-tied. He had never been shy around a girl, only just then.
….Soon, the bus stopped again and five or six people rode. It was already full that they had to stand. To my surprise, she stood up and offered her seat to an old lady. Shame on me! I was too preoccupied with thoughts of her that I did not notice the woman. That was a very courtly act. I felt great respect for her but extreme embarrassment for myself. Such stupid me! It sucks….
William finished another canful of beer. Heat charged his body that he felt his cheeks burning.
….I admit that for so many times, I felt more than an admiration for a girl. But each time, I suppressed the feeling. On that moment in the bus, I knew the feeling started to revolt in me again. But I fought it! She only stood few inches from me, pensive and looking at somewhere only her lonely eyes could see; meanwhile, inside me, my heart was in furious beating. I wanted to be beside her, and maybe talk with her, but I didn’t do….
William paused and looked up again at the light bulb. The moths were still dancing around it, making him wonder when will their affinity to the light stop. Feeling an ache, William swallowed a lump in his throat. Relieved, he continued.
….Why I always fight the feeling, I don’t exactly know. Maybe I fear rejection. Or I hate commitments. Or I couldn’t give enough time. Or maybe, I’m just too afraid to try, knowing that I could be hurt over and over again….
To be continued….
Image courtesy of Teh Lemonsmith.
